We'll miss you little Anneke...(english)

Some of you probably know what happened, but some of you have no idea yet.

I thought that the afternoon of Wednesday July 21 we would only receive the good news of the sex of the baby and that everything would be like a small fairytale, with new plans, new adventures and many preparations; but God obviously had His own plan too. That same afternoon, through ultrasounds, we found out that there was no more heartbeat of the little one. At the beginning it was mostly a big shock. We did suspect a little bit that something wasn’t going well, since for the last few days I had not felt any movement or any of the kicking of the baby. But both of us are only beginners and didn’t realize that the baby not moving for a while was going to be something so serious.

We had time to go back home and cry, hug each other, and contact our families to give them the sad news. After that, we had to go back to the hospital and start the process of contractions though pills and give birth to the baby’s precious little body. Everything happened so fast. The contractions started coming stronger and faster, and before any of the nurses and doctor had expected the baby came. She was beautiful, every part of her body was formed, we could see her face and little mouth, her arms and hands, her toes, her little ears…she had been growing for only 23 weeks in my tummy, that’s why she was so small, but for my husband and me she just looked perfect. We held her, touched her skin that was getting colder every minute and we called her Anneke Marie Feliciano-Brito. We got a lot of help from the nurses and doctor who showed us step by step what was so confusing and new to us. We received a lot of support and love from them and they explained to us some of the decisions we were going to have to make about the funeral arrangements and also about health studies to follow. But we had a little more time to enjoy looking at our beautiful Anneke, discovering all the little details and being amazed at what God’s hands had been forming inside of me. We created memories that we hope will never be erased from our minds.

Later they took me to the ambulance that would transfer me to a bigger hospital in a bigger city so that they could keep doing studies on me since I was still feeling sick and there were so many abnormalities in my body that they didn’t know yet how to treat. My husband went back home and took care of some things before driving to Sioux Falls and be with me for the next following days. The first days I had very strong fevers, I was heavily medicated, I was in a lot of pain and just sleepy most of the time. But both our families would bring us comfort with their constant calls. We also found out that both our moms would be coming to visit and help during these difficult circumstances. Friday I started feeling much better, I almost didn’t need any of the pain medicines that day. I know that the prayers of many of you were with us and helped us heal physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Friday in the morning we received the visit of the Chaplain of the hospital, he was someone we had never met but we related with him pretty easily as he is our brother in Christ. We prayed with him and he brought comfort to our hearts, it was like a hug from heaven. Later we were visited by pastor Herm Van Niejenhuis from Covenant Church, he’s the pastor that has always shown love and has welcomed us with wide open arms (he is also the pastor that married us in our small civil wedding/service we had in the States before having our bigger wedding in Mexico). It was another heavenly touch, God’s hands reaching to us and giving us comfort. We also received the visit of another pastor, Hispanic pastor Arturo who’s a good friend of ours and came with his wife and brought support too, cheer and some delicious homemade Hispanic food! I had not been allowed to eat much food but that afternoon they did gave me permission to eat and enjoy a bit of that delicious food.

Even though we didn’t have many relatives close, we still had our brothers and sisters in Christ, who brought us comfort, peace, joy, blessings. We cried with them, shared the pain we felt for losing our little one so soon. But we could still feel God’s presence and we trust that He knows why He does what He does. He is God, the creator of the Earth, and He has taught us that we can trust Him, because He acts with love. We shed tears, but we also smiled, because we know that our little girl is with the Lord now and when we see her again, she will be perfect, complete, a new creation. That’s one of the promises that God has given us in His Word. We’ll be able to spend the rest of eternity with her and others. That’s the greatest promises that keep us strong and secure.

That doesn’t mean we can’t cry also, and suffer for the life that we lost in this earth. Our sin in this world is what creates this type of suffering and illnesses, which is very sad. There is a time for everything and we’ve had and will still have time to lament and remember Anneke.

Later that Friday night we received the wonderful visit of my mother in law. It was like another heavenly kiss. Next week my mom is coming with my sister Aziel. God shapes us, makes us humble, He reminds us that He is God and He has his perfect plans that we don’t understand. But He also heals us, He provides the means to heal and brings us comfort through people and circumstances. He has healed us little by little, and it was sad to cry, but it was better to be able to smile after crying.

From Josué:

God has been good to us, in the loss of our Little daughter Anneke, He has shown that He is still with us in those hard times.

We might never heal emotionally completely in this life, but we know that when that day comes that we go to God’s presence, we will heal completely from this loss and all of our other sufferings from this world.